CHAPTER 20

Walk Your Talk

   When I first began this journal, I thought its focus would be mortal abuse of its own specie. But, the more I explored my past, our Earthian soiree, and why abuse exists, the focus expanded.

   I recalled a topic that began emerging many years ago. One that still exists after enduring centuries of time.

   It's Mortal Abuse of God, or as I later named it: The M.A.G. Factor. As I questioned my theory, I found it easier to overcome the abuse I experienced.

   I figured if God can rise above it, then I, being a Child of God, as we all are, held the power to not let others destroy my attitude, my spirit. If God can view the abuse in a detached but insightful fashion, then so can I.

   True, the name by which abusers and users give their version of God varies. Yet, from all the organized religions I've witnessed, there often exists a phenomenal urge to manipulate the highest force for the lowest goals: avarice and control.

   Ergo! No matter what I experienced from others, I never gave up on God. Nor thought God gave up on me. I also never bought what mortals relayed as direct commands from God for me to obey.

   Double ergo! I never felt what I endured was God's way of punishing or condemning me. I felt Ashley, my ex's and others, treated me as they did because it was their choice. As it was my choice to experience it as I did.

   As it was my choice to duplicate or delete.

   Everyday mortal actions are a People Choice. Not a God Choice. Ergo! I figured whatever challenges fell on my path were for development, not downfall. I always silently embraced my link with God, as I was firm in my aversion to any mortal marketeering of God.

   As a kid, I heard so many people arguing and knocking each other based on which religious club they belonged to, which membership was usually just a happenstance of birth.

   I heard of religious wars and conflicts that abused and slaughtered multitudes of men, women and children; that devastated homelands all because of Dueling Dogmas.

   It made no sense: people abusing people in the name of their God. Thus, abusing God by implying God sanctioned their hate, intolerance, and combative actions.

   I couldn't understand people's contempt for others just because they prayed with different words and symbols, which all supposedly led toward the same spiritual path of love and harmony. Organized religion felt so adversarial.

   How could so many different groups each claim they had the exclusive on THE God? On the one and only way to believe?

   And if they had the exclusive, why weren't they more loving? More benevolent? Compassionate? Why were they not true examples of peace makers instead of peace breakers?

   While my kid‑home showed me life can seem senseless, the world's religious segregationists battling over whose God was the true and better God proved it for me.

   As a kid, I vowed never to join any club. Never to be a Catholic or Protestant or whatever. I'd go straight to the main source and simply be Godian.

   Life must have heard my pledge to Midgie, my hug worn doll, as I was soon dared to WALK MY TALK, as the Navajos say.

   Life launched a series of setups that extended for years, daring me to live my inner faith. Curiously, they all involved various styles of socially approved human abuse.

   Guess I was not to leave home without it.

   First came my trip through parochial programming.

   Ashley enrolled me in a Catholic school for elementary reasons. It was in the neighborhood and I was technically eligible and that was that.

   Though she claimed to be a "God fearing" churchgoer, who attending mass daily, she never expressed her philosophical motivations. Nor, did I ever see how her surface spirituality gave her the peace of mind and heart she said it promised.

   I longed to ask her: if she feared God, how did she think God felt about her attitude toward me, life and herself?

   Nevertheless, her continuing apathy opened one more freedom door as she displayed no interest whatsoever toward my acceptance or rejection of Catholic programming.

   This gave me 2 choices: to devour all they served without question or to question everything. The choice was easy.

   I now see I wasn't set up just to test the strength of my spiritual convictions, but to experience a new genre of Identity Abuse… one said to be sanctioned by God.

   My brief jaunt through those intimidating halls was a valuable preview for all future control centers I would visit, including the Jehovah Witnesses.

   Centers using their name for God to draw audiences, money and mind power over their unquestioning flock.

   From the moment I entered school to enroll, I sensed a frosty anxiety; people playing god in the name of God, and doing a very grim interpretation.

   Throughout the first school interview, my eyes searched the office ceiling, looking for the dark cloud I sensed hovering above. I couldn't see it, nor touch it, but I knew it was there.

   For activating kiddo curiosity, reprimands were made regarding my inattentiveness. A naughtiness they vowed to reform. A vow they activated on Day One as the little Cling‑ Ons of fear and guilt were quickly applied for the sin of being a curious kid.

   Options were clear: To admit I was unworthy and accept their stipulations as to how I should think, feel and live into permanent memory, or pack my asbestos bags for Helltown.

   The loveless ambience was spookier than at home as it was implied to be God-ruled. Not wanting to make waves, I drifted in the beginning, until I realized they weren't being heavy rulered with just me. Every kid was a target.

   Perpetual swells of hostility lapped over those days. Class work wasn't the challenge. The challenge was to not let my love of God or my own individuality drown in their dogma.

   Prefab criticizing shots were injected into every aspect within us kids that differed from what they OK‑ed as God‑ approved. I quickly learned the Main Rule of the Game:

   To question, to be curious, to be a natural kid, was ruled as blasphemy against God. Wow! What a license to lame.

   Imagine the flack if regular folks tried that ploy on the IRS auditors?

   It was well stressed that I was not worthy of talking with when at home, but to have that verdict backed up on my first day at school, nearly cinched my inkling: Kidhood = Automatic enrollment on every adult's hit list.

   I recently heard a line from Joan Rivers where her humor hit the mark and lit the dark by describing the Church of Perpetual Guilt. Hey! Was she a former student there?

   I couldn't figure the club's heated verdicts that all kids who did not blindly accept their programming were BAD. When I questioned, I heard, "God doesn't love you when you act this way. You better pray real hard for His forgive- ness or else!"

   Asking, "or else what?" only earned me more points on my Bad Girl Chart. But why? God gave me a brain that was born to wonder. Why am I bad for using it? Am I the only curious one? Am I weird for seeking information?

   At some point, the story of Adam and Eve was served to enforce their right to kill inquisitiveness. Though, from the way I heard it, an entirely different message surfaced for me.

   They spoke of these two reportedly original people being beamed into existence on a giant unpopulated planet as adults. ZAP! No kidhood. No parents. No guide books. No chance to gradually mature or make the mistakes necessary to gain experience.

   They didn't even have a language to communicate with each other. And if they had, what would they have talked about? Gardening? Suing their travel agent for such a remote booking?

   And without a language, how could they have regular names other than the sounds of Bubble and Burp? Or, Hiccup and Sneeze?

   They weren't even primed with sex education to know who or what they were. Nada! Talk about life on Earth not being logical from the very beginning!

   Nothing but flora and fauna. Day and night. Berries and bushes. No fun. No brain stimulation. No challenge. No books. No music. Nothing to trigger humor. It sounded like the ultimate Abyss of Boredom… similar to their reports of Heaven.

   Aha! Excitement! Enter the serpent. Hey, company. The Original Pet. But no, a trick set up by guess who? Yes, their Father, or so it must have been as God created all.

   Next, enter the apple, which today is a symbol of good-ness as in: the apple of my eye (delight); an apple a day keeps the doctor away (health); an apple for the teacher (a shmooz or thank you); and, the Big Apple (success). But then, no way. This God‑creation was a big bad NO‑NO.

   So here we have Eve who eats the apple from the Garden of Eatin', as I guess there was no Twinkies or pasta or other food that was available and POW! It's curtains for her, Adam and the total to-be-created Earthian specie!

   The reason for this, as we were told, was because the apple represented knowledge. THAT explained nothing!

   If knowledge was a forbidden temptation, God should have beamed those two in with full lobotomies.

   They should've been created brain dead, or at least given Earth manuals to know intelligence was off limits.

   But noooo! They had brains they wanted to fill so as to make something out of this new curio called Life on Planet Earth.

   Yet, for activating their blossoming little gray cells, they got punished. Supposedly, God picked up His Garden Toys and sent them off into a to‑be‑sin‑filled world.

   With all Adam and Eve were said to have endured, they sure gave a new meaning to the song: "Sometimes I feel like a motherless child." Plus, defining the image of their God of this universe as being an unfair spoiled brat. As in:

   Though I won't train you for the game, you better play it my way or I'll toss you off the field. I'll painalize you and all your kids throughout eternity. So there!

   If I were to believe Adam and Eve really were God's two Original Kids, I'd say, considering how cruelly they were treated, that God ought to be called up for child abuse.

   What current parent could get away with creating a child, then providing no shelter, no clothing, no guidance, no forgiveness, no mercy, no sex education, and, when they snatch an apple or quest for knowledge, WHAMMO!, they're disinherited and banished from their home.

   According to Catholic folklore those original kids didn't even have an 800 child rescue number to call!

   For years I asked myself: what's wrong with this spiritual picture?

   Answer: Just about everything. I couldn't buy it. It seemed like one more brain‑cuff to silence people, to keep us obeying via fear. Never daring to seek wisdom on our own.

   What a con. But what a clever con for having been sold under the God Housekeeping Seal of Disapproval.

   I also thought IF the story was true, no wonder our specie is so screwed up. No wonder it's so prone to inherited abuse… Earth's original residents BEGAN as abused children!

   In later years, I began to notice the significantly chauvinistic decree within this report. A report that implies how Eve the Bitch aka The Original Planetary Party Pooper tempted this vulnerable Adam The Innocent, thus canceling Heaven on Earth for all mortals for all time.

   Besides being immortalized as The Original Bitch, she was further degraded when cited as the excess garbage partner of that famous first tarty team: Adam & His Spare Rib.

   But! Who was The First Daughter? The First Aunt? The First Niece? Who were the succeeding females of record after Eve, either scorned or celebrated? Who was allowed recognition by the male authors to be The Original Female Role Model? Not even the Virgin Mary could be emulated, as I can't imagine any modern female seeking to clone the story of a mysteriously non-sexual insemination to her husband, family and friends, without receiving a very unholy reaction.

   If The Original Fable is to be bought, Original Gal Pals for Eve had to exist for the succeeding males to be born, or else Eve, The Original Spare Rib Appiteaser, played around a lot for the male heirs to multiply.

   And on that note, if we all descended from The Original Couple, then aren't we all the products of Original Incest?

   So too, who was The Original Lawyer who drafted up The Original Marriage Certificate, as the church insists all unions must be legal to be acceptable to them. And, if The Original Couple were not married, were their children The Original Bastards? The Original Illegitimates?

   If the license did not exist (as neither did a minister nor judge), then it would seem, apple or not, they were destined to live in sin by The Original Setup. If not, then where's the disclaimer re God marrying them in Heaven prior to their arrival on Earth? And how old were they? Were they born at 18? Legal age? Might the confusion be because the legalization of marriage & age is a mortal concept, not a Godian one?

   And, in The Beginning, who was The Original Court Reporter recording all The Original Docudramas?

   Oh! I felt I'd burst inside from all the thoughts I inhaled with no one to exhale and share with.

   The illogic escalated as soon as I was told the women workers were called nuns. Was that God's idea, or man’s? And, if a woman was phonetically a None, was a man to be called a Something?

   Was it God who ruled men to fancy themselves up in lacy, bright colored dresses when starring in church dramas?

   If so, was it God who put women into habits of drab black multi‑layered drop cloths and heavy leaded shoes to stalk the halls like oncoming Darth Vadir clones?

   In hot summers, was it God who freed men to wear light shirts, while nuns were ordered to sweat for their faith?

   Was it God who ordered women to cut their hair and hide their skulls beneath starchy heavy shrouds while men were freed of such encumbering helmets?

   Was it God who let men turn their collars to vacation from the system while women were physically branded with hacked off hair to keep them prancin' in the rein?

   Was it God who voted nuns to be called sisters because the church said they all married Him? If so, why weren't they called wives?

   And if by our very creation, we're all children of God, why are titles so important?

   Was it God who decided men are to be called fathers? Why? They said God was the Father. And if Jesus was His Son, why are the guys given a higher title on the status ladder? And riding that point, why weren't the sisters called daughters?

   Besides, these men weren't anyone's father. They knew neither the responsibilities nor joys of fatherhood. They rejected on‑the‑job experience of in exchange for being a club father, advising real parents on how to handle genuine roles of mate and parent. This seemed the epitome of: Do as I say, not as I do not do.

   They relinquished the privilege to marry and vowed to live as celibates, or without sex. Yet, Webster defines celibacy as refraining from marriage, with no mention of abstaining from sex. Another complexication. Or just a handy loophole given the current revelation of Flock Abuse as shown by the many fathers playing doctor with their credulous customers.

   Or maybe the Father title gave them more power to molest innocent boys through the decades, if not the centuries. How could a kid deny a "Father" from screwing with his mind and body in the Name of God and eternal Damnation? What a filthy pick-up line.

   I suspected many games but did said nothing.

   As I was told then… I said nada and addressed the guys as father, fearing they would have access to heavier duty rulers than the nuns. As I played along, I wondered:

   Maybe they chose the title of father as it then was the family power role. Ergo! Maybe they adopted the title for power without concern for what gave it substance.

   The masquerades baffled me. If Son was good enough for Jesus, why wasn't it good enough for them? Did Son sound too humble for men concerned with control over little boys and the flock? For those who expected obedience without question?

   I also wondered why the boss nun was titled mother superior. Mother to whom? Superior to what? As with men, they too relinquished the right of parenthood. And, wasn't the idea of superiority over another rather unGod‑like? Unspiritual? Unmeek? If so, guess they might not Inherit the Earth.

   I sang the constant question of: What's Goin' On?

   Another perplexity was the symbolic marriages only for women, not men. To belong, women "married" God – though supposedly never consummated.

   Did God invent this proviso? How? Since legal marriage is a mortal concoction.

   If the ceremony was valid, did it mean God is a bigamist? Were all the nuns akin to a global black garbed harem? And if the club feels that multi-marriages to one male is taboo, how have they sanctioned mega-marriages of women to God? Why an Earth rite to symbolize a heavenly union? And since the sisters wore wedding rings to signify their marriage, why did they call "Him" God Our Father and not God Our Husband? Sounds like a good foundation for incestual abuse to me!

   Truly puzzling. So much nun‑sense begged to be explored. But since that was a No‑No, I didn’t ask, ergo no one answered.

   I now think if the people I questioned were programmed not to question their club, no wonder they wouldn't let a kid do what they could not. No wonder they gave no answers.

   Physically, I was doomed to the hit list by being a lefty, a mega‑issue with Catholic schools. As warned: it was a sign of my link with the Devil. Another sinful trait they swore to break me of if I was to be a good Catholic girl and loved by God.

   I could never logicate what motivated them to aim such ire at the left hand of the body. I theorized it was a gimmick to individualize their club, as people I spoke with from other cliques never endured this physical restriction, religious animosity and overt bigotry.

   I heard early of left/right brain activity, with the right side controlling our creativity, maybe it was their way to numb a kid's ability to question. Or, is that too creatively sensical?

   What I feel is that prejudging left handed kids as Devil- bent was a hell of a curse and abuse promoted by supposed training guides to heaven.

   My nun teacher was obsessed with converting my brain so I'd be a righty. Not thrilled by the sting of her programming weapon, the Magnum RULER, I obeyed… in my own way.

   When she was on patrol, strewing arbitrary reviews and wielding her ruler in my direction, I was righty. When she went to another target, I was lefty. This exercise encouraged and strengthened my ambidexterity.

   I never converted as I never got a good reason for the rule. Didn't they view the whole body as a God creation? Why were lefties categorized as naughty and viced.

   I heard no reason as to why they placed themselves above question. Detachment now lets me smile as I recall once being threatened to tummy shakes with this mandate:

   To be a VERY good catholic, for God to really love you, you will never question. You'll obey as told. This alert was backed with a brain sapping threat of: they'd know when I was rebelling, even in my head, because God would hear and He would tell them.

   Wow! What a double hitter! Being told that God is a snitch for such petty issues. What way to destroy all kidhood curiosity and creativity, while simultaneously shaming a kid into fear filled obedience.

   One nun did give a cryptic rationale: "The right hand is the hand of God. The left is the hand of the Devil. If you write with your left hand you are not Godly!"

   However, this only prompted more questions for which I was disgraced for thinking. I figured whatever caused me to write came from my head, not my hand. What did my hand have to do with anything? It's just a tool.

   One day, when another lefty classmate was humiliated for our handicap, I exploded. Barfing out my thoughts of how unfair and heartless this religious war against lefties was.

   Wrong! I was, at once, booked for a lengthy rendezvous with the classroom's corner while wearing a dunce cap like a KKK‑munchkin.

   That was it. I'd either have to buy their verdict that I was bad. Or WALK MY TALK by calmly seeing through all this anger and by not reacting, or taking it personal. I had to understand that all these questionable rules were simply their muzzles for anyone who rocked their Belief Boats with alternative thoughts.

   NEXT CHOICE: To let my desire to be liked deny my Godian faith or not. To give up on me and agree I was bad, or not. Since being liked as‑is in that setup was impossible, I chose: Not.

   To buy, or not to buy, their verdict of me was a biggie since at that time there was no supportive mortal in my life who believed I had any worth. My world consisted of nuns and my non-mom. I thank God, God hung in as my primary pal.

   Looking back, I wasn't ticked off by their refusal to talk openly or nicely with me. I was conditioned for that at home. Rather that I was to accept into the depths of my heart, soul and brain whatever they said or risk instant and eternal punishment. Risk the ruler's sting if caught inquiring.

   Every idea was served to us on fear trays… preparing us for adults and the current media blitz.

   If not blindly eaten, we were said to be daring God's wrath. We were asking never to be loved by God, nor go to heaven. Setting ourselves up for guaranteed jobs as eternal furnace stokers after death, though they never said what the furnaces heated… the Devil’s Bar-B-Q?.

   What a horrible emotional abuse to lay on a kid, forcing me to wonder: How many other kid centers got away with hell and mind abuse in the name of their God?

   How many clubs emotionally and physically abuse kids in-to believing they're worthless if they don't dig their dogma? Who inflict unseen scars onto kids' minds if they don't give up their personal reason for being in favor of their church's reason for them, which is usually reflex tithing.

   Though my club term lasted only a year, which I'm sure was enough for all, it became my only kidhood time when I didn't care if any mortal liked me. My questioning labeled me a "hell raiser and lost cause." But I could not take that verdict to heart. When I observed the source of the hellacious verdict, it felt somewhat like a compliment.

   My pot of rebellion was kept on boil with daily doses of the absolute concepts I couldn't swallow.

EXAMPLE:

God and the Devil were separate powers. I doubted that since I reasoned the Devil was God's Creation to test our ability to be nice, to live in love and truth.

   The clue for me was the word THE. They always said THE Devil but never THE God. I figured that meant God is the main source and THE Devil is a testing energy. A branch title as in THE Father, THE Son and THE Holy Ghost. Though it still makes sense, no one was ready to dine on my new sage hunch.

   When I later heard that 666 represented The Devil, and 999 represented God. And that, I figured may all source to the way we look at life: straight up or upside down.

   When I heard that numerologically, 9 represents God, well I did some interesting math.

   First I saw: 6+6+6=18, then 1+8=9. Aha! Back to God!

   Second I saw: 9+9+9=27, then 2+7=9. Double AHA!

   Then I multiplied 666, and saw: 6x6=36 & 36x6=216.

   Then added 2+1+6=9 Triple AHA!

   And, when I multiplied 999, I saw: 9x9=81 & 81x9=729 and then added: 7+2+9=18, and then: 1+8=9

   Multi AHAs! It always returns to God!

   With the lefty issue, I felt they were implying that God and The Devil met at some clandestine point in time and formed a body pact over Earthian mortals, with God saying:

"Okay, Lucifer, let's make a deal. I retain dominion over the body. But, I'll give you the left hand. It shall be your exclusive venue to work through. However, I warn you, I'll send out tough messages to warn the Earthians where you're hiding out. But! I'll give you a break. I'll only send these warnings to the Catholic schools granting their nuns permission to crush the little children's self-esteem and hands with their wooden rulers, if necessary."

   Then they shook on the deal: God with the right hand, The Devil with the left. With the outcome of this power deal forevermore in the hands of the Catholic school teachers: to beat the Devil out of the left hand.

   I never offered this scenario as a possible reason for their contempt. To have suggested this might have caused them to think the Devil had branched from his limited territory and invaded my brain beginning with my voice box. What else could cause a kid to question cryptic creeds?

   To keep my sanity, I went a little crazy, wondering:

   Why didn't they bar the left hand from all pursuits?

   Why wasn't food prepared and eaten with the left hand viewed as contaminated by Devileen toxins?

   Why wasn't the touch of the left hand avoided for fear of Devileen infection?

   Why wasn't sign language for the deaf with a left hand shunned for fear that it conveyed Devileen thoughts?

   Why didn't Italians talk only with their right hand?

   Why weren't all actions with the left hand defined as a supreme No‑No? Even if this included tearing up tithing checks written by lefties? Shouldn't that money be viewed as acceptance of spiritually filthy lucre? Even asking for eternal damnation?

   Wow! Eternal Damnation! That Burn-In-Hell Edict was a supremo power play. The maxi escape when pushed to the wall for answers. A magic code like Open Sesame that when said, allowed for legislation without logic.

   Somehow, my GUT Buddy told me these threats to my spiritual fate were mere tricks of their trade. My soul knew that God made more loving sense than what I was told.

   When the hostility for lefties implied it was a major wrong against God, I wondered if the true wrong might be their feeling empowered to abuse kids with biased rulings and rulers, and sentencing the kids to Hell under the guise of God's goading.

   I stretched my theory. If the lefty issue was so important why wasn't it one of the Ten Commandments?

   True, a Commandment states: Thou shall not commit adultery. Though as a kid I thought it meant that I had to stay a kid and never become an adult. And with what I was experiencing with adults, that idea was quite tempting.

   However, as humanity is so preoccupied with physicality over spirituality, I learned this adultery Commandment meant: No sexual fooling around. Guess the multitude of Catholic fathers who have been impeached from their status due to fooling must have never sought the translation.

   My curiosity urged me to look up adultery in the diction-ary. It was the root of ADULTERATE: To make impure or inferior by adding improper ingredients. Basically, to pollute.

   If so, wasn't it adulterous to toss verdicts of inferiority on kids? Adulterous to pollute their minds with fear and threats of damnation? Adulterous to abuse a kid by controlling their brain and natural body coordination? To tag kids as BAD because they did not conform with club policies?

   God only knows.

   I fantasized this lefty rule being taken to the max. As in the club requiring amputation of the left hand so as to banish all the Devileen energies from their members.

   Encouraging amputees to be grateful for the axing. To see the lefty stump as a visual badge of holy superiority to be flaunted as proof of righteousness over other clubs.

   Dense currents of bigotry filled the air like a smoke screen, screaming the edict: THEIR way was THE way and all others were wrong, misguided and to be avoided as nothing more than one way tickets to hell on an installment plan.

   To be good, I had to obediently buy all the unexplained theories, quirks, mandates, and tithe for the privilege. I may have been a gold card member had I right-handed them my brain for washing, without questioning the philosophical soap. Saying: Amen and take my bankbook, please!

   Though I never submerged my urge to explore between me, myself and why, I wondered if the mercurial rules were made up by the club for the club to keep members tithing and trembling.

   Another area causing me to feel they were committing Abuse of God was how they promoted the fear of God over the love of God.

   In religion classes, I heard that Jesus spoke on the mount. Serving wisdom, love and simplicity without fear. Then I'd look about the club's church and wonder:

   How did this palace ever come to be? Who authorized pomp and intimidation as necessary for portraying God when all represents God for all is God?

   Why so much gold and jewels for decoration?

   Why so much lace and satin for the guys? Who said this extravagance was necessary? Who pays for it? Where does the money come from? The poor boxes?

   When viewing the chalices, stained glass windows and the gleaming limos used by club VIPs, I wondered if all these luxuries were converted into cash, how many poor people could be fed and sheltered?

   I didn't believe God authorized the luxuries because I never felt God to be mortal let alone a materialist.

   When all were told to go forth and multiply, I didn't feel this was meant for the club's investment counselors.

   I figured the sumptuous showcase was contrived by club reps who felt more self‑serving than God‑serving.

   Possibly, it was a trade off for obeying the public vow of personal poverty. Possibly, they discovered a loophole as it sure didn't seem the club had taken the same poverty vow.

   So, the trade off was: Give up personal wealth and stuff to promote the club's wealth and stuff. But you can still enjoy the material benefits in business and residential accommodations without the mess of juggling personal taxes and bank accounts. And, by doing so, the club's commerce benefits by becoming more intimidating and powerful.

   Aha! A Win/Sin Deal!

   If so, who created the money making scam? Who talked others into going along with it? Who first dared to confront and encourage the flock into financing this tactic?

   Who cracked the first deal, opening the door for the vast commercial and real estate holdings? Who sold the shrewd idea that clubs ought to be tax free? Who categorized them as non-profit when they're helmed by highly profiting prophets?

   Wow! Whoever conceptualized that must have had two left hands! So very creative.

   Why does the flock participate and finance the scam? Are they so programmed by fear they believe God might truly scratch them off heaven's reservation list if they question the coffers?

   At first I wondered why members are never encouraged to seek the Light of God from within? Nor encouraged to sense it exists in everyone of us and all we have to do is hit the Light Switch? Then I figured, if they did show others how they could catch their own food for Godian thought, the "company’s fish market" might close.

   True, many are drawn to the clubs as they do offer verity but in partial doses. They tease appetites with tidbits of truth. They admit to the Light, yet fail to admit everyone has access. They say God dwells in the church, which is true. Yet omit the verity that God dwells everywhere.

   They encourage the tithing concept and describe how it activates the abundance circle. Yet, they limit this truth by prioritizing tithing to the coffers when tithing has no limits.

   Tithing is simply the unconditional offering of whatever one has to whoever is in need without ulterior kickbacks. Tithing isn't giving money to a club. It's giving self to life.

   Tithing seemed to be manipulated to self‑serve, intensified by orchestrating it into a social exhibit of plate‑passing for members to judge one another's generosity.

   I recall the first time Ashley took me to church and the money plate was coming. She whispered it was for the poor. Being a little scant on change, I reached in and took a dime and thanked the plate passer. Ashley quickly applied a wrist twister so I'd drop the coin. Since it was my left hand, I should have said: "The Devil made me do it!"

   I witnessed so many examples of Abuse against God and Truth that pulled people into the clubs, using every lure from guilt and damnation‑alerts to promises of heavenly berths in order to preserve $tand‑by‑your‑club obedience.

   Truth seemed polluted and adulterated by non-truth.

   I was puzzled as to why only men wheeled and dealed? Why the CEO Popes and priests were always men? Why not women? Was it the fault of Eve The Bitch? If one computes the soul as who we truly are, then why is there rulership biased on sex?

   Possibly, this relates to the club's internal ruling policies being originated and perpetuated by the men who first took creative control of the dictation books. Those at liberty to extend whichever interpretations proved most beneficial to their agenda.

   The injustices are so deeply memorialized, I can't imagine what would inspire them to review the domination tactics. And why? So many club members are programmed with fear to ever unite and force club rulers into an ego-exam.

   Personally, I bet the male leaders would avoid any quest for clarity, as loss of personal power would be the major risk if truth participated in the depositions. Sure, truth might set the flock free. But, it might concurrently set the male reps and workers up for unemployment.

   Possibly, men rationalized the bigotry of male superiority because all religious clubs promote the idea of God, by whatever name they use, as being male. How odd. As if God must exist in Earthian terms to be sellable.

   Wouldn't the purest example of spiritual balance be the disassociation with male versus female? Balance being the acceptance of both energies for their own value?

   Ironically today when someone seeks to display new age thinking they refer to God as She. Yet, this only adds more bias as viewing God as He, The Pronoun, has done. Both references prioritize sex via their chosen pronoun.

   Perhaps this mortal need to categorize God exists because the marketeers believe God needs mortal packaging to be commercially sellable to the regular folks. Us, the civies.

   The next confusion exploded when I heard God sent His only Son to Earth. Hey! Who were Adam and Eve? Robotal Experiments? Aren't we all daughters and sons of God? Potential Suns of God? Why emphasize the male element?

   Why do male leaders energize the segregation? Is it Fear? Ego? Manipulation? Why do they feel it's right to promo the incidental detail of the Christ energy body type rather than the non‑sexual essence of God that coursed from that body?

   Possibly that body was also chosen to be born unto a simplistic spot on the earth in order to illustrate Godliness is not exclusive to the rich and famous. Possibly.

   When I was first told of Jesus, I never thought the male or female issue was important. Rather, the event was to be a reminder of the love, peace and simplistic compassion of God available for us all to energize.

   A symbol to remind people of their personal ability to choose truth or non‑truth. Light or non‑Light.

   When I first saw the Son of God, I was baffled. I had heard it in my heart to be to be the Sun of God, as in the Light dwelling within us all. I thought the Sun, the Light, was sent to wake mortals up to the choice we have: To turn the Light up, down or out of our lives.

   When Jesus, the man, was spoken of, I couldn't buy the idea that sex was meant to cause our specie further splits. Then again, many people prioritize wrappings over the gift.

   I later heard the Bible had undergone a multitude of rewrites, translations, and up‑dates to make the Word more digestible. More commercially new and improved.

   That revelation sowed more seeds of thought to nurture. Considering how a message changes going down the line in the party game of telephone, what are the odds of the Bible making it down the line of centurial time and ego intact?

   It seems the more one questions the more there is to question. Every door leads to ten more doors to explore.

   During a comfort lapse, I once mentioned my idea of The Sun of God to my nun teacher. Wrong. Her response was not a pretty sight. I was voted a disgrace to God and the church, in need of immediate punishment for my blasphemy which was due to my being left-handed.

   I was dragged by my pigtails, tossed before a giant blackboard and ordered to print and underline: The Son of God.

   It didn't take much to compute there was definitely no room for philosophical exploration on this campground!

   Left alone with a few chalk sticks to write my sentence, I was miffed, not surprised, by their reaction. The blackboard loomed. Still, I wanted to bring balance into the setup. I was alone. So, I obeyed orders with my left hand.

   Later this episode reminded me of Salem, except I was sent to the slate not the stake. Nevertheless, one needs to find their jollies where and when possible.

   The idea of searching for jollies in a habitat purported to be honoring God saddened me, causing me to wonder why do so many reps of God seem to have the least sense of humor? As if self‑amputation of the funny bone is Godly.

   As if the link with God is best displayed by how rigidly one resists laughs and giggles. Implying God scorns humor, which overlooks the idea that humor may be the primary gift God implants within our spirit to get us sanely through our challenging journeys.

   A look at our specie makes it easy to compute: God must have a good sense of humor to create a station for campers to get away with so much via the God Gift of Choice, while never giving up hope for our ability to awaken and align with our soul's highest potential.

   An ultimate example of Godian Compassion: To be willngly used by the Kids disfiguring the Godian Parent into seeming so merciless and austere, yet still loving us all unlimitedly.

   I recall Sally, a freckled, red headed classmate. She told me her mom had been "excomoonicated". Sally said a priest told her to pray hard because God no longer wanted her mom in His church. Implying the club had an exclusive on God's alliance and the quote was wired direct to the club.

   If that theory was true, God would seem to be a heartless Salem-antic energy, ready to stoke the fires and toss anyone into hell holes who detours from the mortal club rules.

   With that idea in mind, why do so many self‑elected club authorities think they can judge others as displeasing to God when none of us are privy as to why we each have journeyed here? Then again, possibly Judgment might be the trait they were born to address, examine and dump? 'Tis a Thot.

   I asked Sally how she knew for sure her mom was no longer in with the In Club. Did it come straight from God?

   She said: "No. Some priest said God told him."

   What is this? A new version of Pass the Punishment Buck so as to enforce a fine without taking responsibility?

   I heard excommunication was a punishment of absolute exile from God's Heart and Heaven. In this case, because Sally's mom got a divorce from an unhappy marriage to a man who hurt and knocked her around if she got in his way. A guy who made their home life "not nice".

   It seemed they were manipulating God to backup mortal rules; justifying their anger against members who disobeyed their mandates on a legal setup generic to the Earthian business system.

   I later couldn't imagine God as so heartless and loveless when the issue of a person's freedom from abuse or battering is concerned. Nor so wrathful to the Children trying to clean up their life and seek a loving way to live.

   Souls who originally married with good intentions; who, after time of trying, had the guts to admit it wasn't working; who wanted to take responsibility for their situation; who realized they had no right to change an unwilling other; and split so as to better their life and the lives of their kids.

   Isn't a marriage void of love, support and friendship an unGod setup? A mortal contrivance wherein dissolving just necessitates legal work?

   An idea: If religious clubs created their own legal branch and got some of the divorce money, they might issue a new mandate saying:

   They conferred with God and divorce is OK providing it's processed by their spiritually guided legal franchise. Just as they loopholed the gambling taboo with their bingo banks.

   I couldn't imagine God raging against a soul seeking a loving chance at mattering. Isn't it God who gives us eternal chance to correct the elements in our psyche so as to align with love, hope and all the goodies waiting to be tapped?

   If God is the top ranking CEO of Fear, is as wrathful as the religious clubs imply, then Planet Earth, that's been created for multitudinous chances for our soular success, must not exist. Yet, it does.

   For me, God is definitely the CEO of Love.

   The clubs seem to spurn the idea that Earth may have been established because of our soular need to evolve, no matter which role we assume for each particular journey. Caesar or slave. Pope or atheist. Black or white. Male or female. And that each role is just a personal path for us to develop various sides of our soular puzzle picture.

   For me, anyone who claims superiority over others or who allows others to be pedestaled, denies our link as a Whole.

   Yet, so many club reps act as if they're above a need to evolve by exhibiting auras of non‑forgiveness, non‑tolerance, non‑understanding and non‑responsibility.

   Possibly, those who claim superiority were sent to discover God's total superiority, but resist and restrict their growth by restricting God's multi-methods of influence and capabilities.

   God only knows.

   Possibly, those sent to assist others in a genuine Godian way with no need for superiority or ego stroking are more in line with God. They serve and love as, and when, needed. Wherever and however needed, without need of kickback or lavish money structure or global club from which to control.

   Possibly they're emissaries for God by simply being nice and loving. Who, within their quiet and constant acts of service, do not seek control through damnation threats for they understand that service is its own reward.

   As I sense abuse via holier‑than‑thou claims made to finance lavish temples and satellites for TV prophet$, inner warning lights flash. Suggesting many self‑stipulated religious clubs are not repping God at all.

   As I see it, they're using God as a product, just as any retailer would, to accrue all the perks they wish to obtain.

   They don't mandate thievery. Yet, they extort via fear, manipulating others' guilt for material club cravings.

   They don't mandate murder (now). Yet, they force members to remain in loveless unions which can inflict semi‑ murderous abuse via Hell‑on‑Earth endurance runs.

   So very little senses to be Godian.

   Sure, I believe the church exiled Sally's mom for breaking one of their rules. But I didn't believe God exiled her. I figured the club issued its own judgment by implying they consulted with God and God voted in their favor, leaving little room for a member to get a second opinion except from within. And maybe that is the higher Godian message.

   I can’'t buy the idea that God's wish is for souls to endure joyless journeys with no chance to love or be loved, especially in unions that are abusive and life threatening.

   I figure God is marketed as vengeful and nitpicky for the most unholy reasons. Even against club members who ate meat on Fridays when that was a No‑No, a mandate I guess they realized their members would no longer swallow.

   I figured The Original Fishermen's Union must have lobbied for that legislation!

THOT:

I can just imagine mingling at some Attitude Adjustment Soiree when I arrive in Hell's Furnace Factory, and I bump into Charles Manson, Jack the Ripper. Hitler and other assorted mass murderers, plus a few politicians.

   For chit-chat, they ask: "So, kid, what are you in for?"

   And imaging the pecking order of this Hell Cell, when I answer as tough as possible: "MEATLOAF! On FRIDAY! And! I ate it with my LEFT hand!"

   OOOOHHH!, they all gasp and pull back in fear of my sociopathic evilness as one very shocked shindig. Instantly they relent and name me Queen of the Chaos Castle.

   Can ya'see it?

   I can't.

   As the Meat Mandate was once enforced, the Divorce Disgrace is still force fed to those desiring freedom from strangling partnerships. But, in that case, as opposed to balancing one's diet, a separation may not be a divorce but a graduation to the next plateau where upon they can search for their personal Godian identity. To learn to love themselves, then to be free to link with another willing to return it in kind… if they choose.

   I later heard the clubs were pliable for a price, granting special compensation to certain moneyed customers. Sadly, Sally and her mom weren't rich enough for the re-definition.

   Great emphasis was placed on stuff and trading $tamp$ by allowing the elite to be freed yet still remain in God's heart; disguising injustice by retitling divorce as annulment.

   So what if the marriage lasted for years and produced many kids? Should that minor detail get in the way of losing a moneyed donor from the flock? Guess not.

   So! How do they rationalize the kids of annulment? With another ritual? Is there a special behind‑closed‑mores rite of special conception to kids of the rich? A twist on Immaculate Conceptions to insure a cut of the kids' future inheritance being tithed to the club?

   These illogical laws made me feel the clubs were created for mortal convenience.

   Low income members didn't have a chance in Heaven with Earthian handouts of divine justice.

   I also learned that a member who weds a divorced person automatically creates a union not recognized by the church.

   But, what does that have to do with God? What about the kids conceived of the marriage that never was? Are they illegitimate? Or immaculate conceptions?

   What do these mortal games have to do with spirituality?

   I felt if I were God, I'd be tempted to sue Earthian clubs for malpractice and defamation of character. Though, who would be the judge?

   Again, God only knows.

   Then, I thought, why would God get involved in such a petty case? If people want to buy what clubs sell that's their choice, and possibly their growth challenge. If they choose to believe that the complexicated club rules are direct orders from God, then so be it. Buying doesn't spiritually validate the product or the service being huckstered.

   As I wasn't buying, I had nothing to lose by questioning, even though my attitude got me benched and confronting blackboards to fill usually with: "I am a sinner!"

   I was tempted to postscript that phrase with: "Well, they say I'm a sinner. However, God's still out and has yet to cast the only vote that matters." I never did memorialize that idea in chalk. Rather, I chalked it up to experience.

   Sensing no long term risk, I threw out thoughts whenever the mood struck. They struck often. Most were countered by orders to seclude myself in a crevice of the church to beg forgiveness with a lengthy penance. Enjoying solitude, I obeyed until I examined the ritual.

   True, God was in those tucked away altars. But that was not the whole truth. God was also in the playground, lunch room, bakery shop down the street, my bedroom, at the circus, and so forth because God's within me and all.

   So, why the partial truth?

   Why did they want me to think God is separate and only in their building? That I must go to their church to make contact rather than simply making a natural contact... and then just to repeat prefab prayers without time for listening.

   Why wouldn't God enjoy a little heart‑to‑heart chat?

   Why did they promote God as not being in the present moment? Rather as a tough‑to‑reach experience? An after‑death one? And, why is death ruled as The End? Why not as simply de‑Earthing to the next strata?

   Though if I bought what they sold, I'd want to die. If the slightest infraction of a rule risked my eternal damnation and exile from God's Heart, I'd be smarter to quit as a kid while I'm relatively OK. Why wait? What's the point?

   Perhaps communication is discouraged because it might reveal that God is available by direct dial without any need for intermediary operators to place our calls.

   When I trekked off with the other kids to offer my ordered rerun prayers to God or a designated saint, I heard kids doing their duty out loud, creating a new category for the Mortal Olympics I called: Speed Praying.

   Hey! What's going on? What's being served? Where's the wisdom? Where's the spiritualty? The assistance to awakening our ability to request and receive data as to why we're here, what we're here to learn and serve?

   Then I wondered: Why am I wondering? That my questions would be answered there by mortals was as impossible as a matzo ball being served on bingo night.

   On reflection, I must have been a thorn in their side of status woe. Whatever popped from the toaster offered new slices to probe. Like hearing their club was THE only center of rightness on the planet and to acknowledge other clubs was a whopping wrong. To play with a Protestant or Jew was a huge No‑No! To wed one meant exile and damnation from Heaven.

   But why promote shunning a Jew? Wasn't Jesus a Jew? Wasn't it a Jew who channeled the energies Catholics use as their guideline Bible? Why isn't a Jew good enough to be my friend when Jews were God's"chosen people..." or so certain clubs say? How can continued bigotry and disdain of God's children make God happy?

   What a confusing guilt trip to book for kids. And adults.

   I felt this abuse of our specie's right to believe as we feel, as our gut guides us, did not originate from God, no matter which club was drawing the bigot lines.

   It only served to reinforce the isolationary chasms within our specie while mitigating the club's dread of lost members taking their checkbooks to other coffer$.

   I also wondered why they cast denial energies on the idea of reincarnation, tagging it sinful and blasphemous. Why they deny one of God's greatest gifts by labeling death as an over and out end, rather than just the act of leaving the temporal body when it has served its current usage.

   I can't figure their attitude because every Easter they re‑enacted the rising from the dead. Yet if we're all God's children, why is it wrong to suggest we, the daughters, sons and suns do not also rise and continue? We all contain the same spiritual energy. That's what creates our souls. That's what brings us together.

   However, the club states God can only create one miracle of life per soul. To say God is more talented and prolific, more long‑term‑oriented is considered blasphemous.

   Why is it impossible to imagine that we're sent back again and again to this Soular College, or any other galaxial waystation until our Continuing Soul's purpose is complete? If it ever is .

   The implied limits to God's power seemed very narrow‑ minded to me. As did the implication that they alone are in on so many of God's private plans. What nerve, I thought. How arrogant!

   But then again, as with all mortals, arrogance does everyone in.

   In time I erased nerve and replaced it with denial of the infinite resources of God. I felt they limited God because they limited themselves, as our specie does in general.

   The more a person lives in the unlimitedness of loving possibilities, the more they perceive God as lovingly un-limited. So too, the more a person represses Celebrations of Life and use of their Godian Potential and Worth, the more they cubbyhole God as wrathful, constricting and limited.

EXAMPLE:

   Nearly all clubs promote the idea that God created only two sexes: the superior male and the secondary female, all based on the male written rule books. However, this closed conviction has caused centurial castigation upon a multitude within the Children of God family.

   It seems quite probable, to me, that as God can create solar (and soular) systems, amebas, platypuses and green grass, that God can create a multitude of sexual identities.

   If God can create two sexes, why not possibly 2000 more variables, besides just Gay and Lesbian and bi-sexual? There may be more varieties in God’s create tool kit than mortals give God credit for.

   Is it because the original male scribes had a hard enough time even acknowledging the female, that to extend God's creativity beyond two varieties was an unthinkable stretch?

   I'm still fascinated with how the clubs vigorously push the opinion that we have only one life in which the quality of our soul is judged. How so if some souls de-Earth at birth while others de-Earth in elder years?

   HEIR-OGANCE

   I've come to believe that the centurial spiritual abuse perpetrated by the majority of clubs upon their vulnerable flocks via canceling the concepts of karma and reincarnation has promoted soular irresponsibility in many generations.

   For instance, the Mafia feels it can kill on an as‑need‑to‑die basis, while ensuring golden cloud puff suites by tithing to the Vatican. It continues this game without thought that their actions set up seminars and challenges for their next visit to this Cosmic College of Karmical Knowledge.

   So too, those who commit crimes, hire clever lawyers and bluff their way into a not guilty verdict, actually believe they're off the hook of responsibility for their actions.

   What a hoot it must be on the Inter‑Mission level when they learn their rap sheet is waiting for them, and shall be a deciding factor in how their next visit shall be programmed.

   I truly feel, if mortals were never de‑programmed of the concepts of reincarnation and karma, of the higher meaning within What goes around comes around (not necessarily in this go‑around) then there might be a lot more fore-thought given to acts of crime, gossip, chicanery, fraud, murder and abuse , physically and psychologically.

   That acknowledgment might even free up the courts via replacing "Under the penalty of perjury, I swear to tell the truth" with Under the penalty of karma, I better tell the truth!" .

   The full concept of reincarnation might even shed a new light on abortion.

MEANING:

Though a woman chooses to abort the entry of a mortal into her life... that does not cancel other doors for that soul to enter and attend this Galaxial Campus.

   Karmicly, though our bodies may create a skin and bone vehicle for another, we do not create the Soul. God does.

   Ergo! We cannot kill a soul, we can only cancel or delay a soul's entry into our current seminar. We have no power to deny that soul from attending class here when they've been programmed by the Master Planners to attend this landing venue for their continuing soular growth.

   To me, abortion simply transfers classrooms for that soul's growth experience.

   What intrigues me is the violence, murder and mayhem perpetrated by those attacking others behind the banner of pro‑lifers. Why isn't pro‑life vs. pro‑choice literally reversed into Pro‑choice vs. No‑choice?

   If karma was understood, possibly society might consider the idea that we are all responsible for our own decisions, whether the majority agrees or not.

   If reincarnation was considered, possibly society might see that abortion cannot kill the ongoing soul, it simply reroutes a singular entry.

   Plus if politicians would take their noses out of women's vaginas and let women choose their own future, politicians might have more time to help the children who are already born via funding better education and day-care centers.

   THOT: Possibly if unwanting parents were not forced to birth, child abuse might not be so prevalent, as is seen with overtaxed parents forced to raise kids as latch-key boarders.

   Then again, that's not an easy thought to consider what with the non-parents of the Church enforcing their birth mandates without simultaneously offering financial support, free housing to the growing families who lack livable space and recompense women who choose to be with family.

   Religions who promote birthing babies in poor families, and who denounce birth control, ought to be held responsible for financing those families' extra expenses... not the government.

   What I find curious is that on one segment of the news, the No-Choice fanatics are militantly warring on women to birth their unwanted babies, yet the next segment grieves over the fact of their being inadequate solutions for the abuse of unwanted kids.

   Am I missing something here? I don't think so.

   What is even more curious, is the rainbow border.

   Again in one segment of the news, white militants demand that white women birth the unwanteds, while the rest of the racial rainbow hasn't plunged into this pressure-to-birth cooker. The next segment shows the rest of the racial rainbow on Welfare because they have more dependents then they can handle. And, then they're blasted for having birthed babies... wanted or unwanted.

   Very, very curious.

   I sense that the churches' selective brush-off of karmic knowledge and reincarnation that was meant to deafen and barricade obedient flocks has backfired on a global scale.

   With so many disillusioned departures from the church by those not buying the after-life story of cloud puffs or furnace stoking, all that's left is Nothingness. And, Nothingness births Hopelessness, which only births Greater Fear and the Devaluation of Life and Soul Worth for self and others.

   The results of this are easy to spot with the escalation of crime, drive-by shootings, hit and run drivers, murder guised as territorial or religious wars, the immorality of business and politics, adultery, or teens and pre-teens having sex behind their parents' back. All these perpetrators actually think they are getting away with it if not publicly caught.

   Poppycock. I figure it's always recorded somewhere. All of it.

   Recorded for our detached review with our personally assigned Master Planner after we de-Earth. Recorded so as to assist the courses of events, venues and setups that shall create our next semester for soular evolution.

BOTTOM LINE:

I sense the socially promoted limits of life does not necessarily serve the highest hunger of our hearts, nor bolster the spiritual belief in our beingness of life, nor cultivate the gardens of our global conscience. ‘Tis a thought.

   Meanwhile, back in kiddyland, I did not buy the time limit being sold regarding the evaluating judgment of the soul. I did not believe that God gives us only one chance at the brass ring of vital and loving evolution. The incongruity was further miscombobbled via the sellers' backup theories.

MEANING:

If Earth is the only planetary destination available for a soul, then it seems we're either faced with an eternity spent plopped on cloud puffs preening our wings with no stimulation for thought, action of joy, or reason to wake up. (Heck! sleep isn't even mentioned in the church’s Heaven itinerary)… or else, it's an ever‑ever time of chain gang furnace stoking for no seeming purpose.

   I saw both as nightmares of conceptual choices.

   And how unprepared the church was to its loyal members. You'd think it'd have at least offered complimentary harp lessons for the heaven-bound.

   I again wondered: Why is every spiritually described setup so totally lacking in zest, smiles and challenge? I couldn't imagine anyone's idea of bliss or heaven, to be so thoroughly crammed with every activity no one on this planet would ever endorse as fun. It definitely did not sound like the retirement dream of dreams.

   The descriptions of eternity sounded more like asylums, either a torture‑house‑hell or a country‑club‑heaven without activities. I'd have to be drugged out on valium to savor such a brainless eternity of nothingness. At least, hell offered fire-robics!

   I thank God my GUT Buddy advised me that there was more to life than death, more than hot or cold boredom. Or else soular obliteration would have looked mighty good.

   Through the years, I smacked into so many walls of denial of the Oneness of God's Family and Unlimitedness of God's creativity, as assumed through mortal eyes.

   Limitations foisted on possible friendships based on the religion at one's birth, the financial $tatu$ of who does or doesn't receive special perks, the priorities of exterior stuff that seemed so contrary to the Godian goal of global love. Such great emphasis on difference. Such insignificance placed on all that spiritually unites us.

   I don't believe God judges based upon who's black, white or purple. American, Russian or Martian. Catholic, Jewish or Moo‑Loo.

   Since God is ALL then ALL are God. Simple.

   I once mentioned this to a priest which triggered him to fume: "God, black? No! Never!"

   Guess he wanted to believe God was white and only and exclusively booked in his church's condo.

   I also heard that every good Catholic's spiritual duty was to encourage those of other clubs to reconsider their religion (which posed yet another dilemma as we were forbidden to ever speak to them); to have them dump their beliefs and apply for membership in the right club. "Our club!"

   But, why?

   Who am I to judge who's right or wrong? Who is anyone to judge anyone for anything?

   Why should I believe God wants me to tell another that he or she is doomed unless they lose weight, get a better job, make more money, et cetera… especially, to tell another to turn their back on their club and join this club?

   How would God have felt if I tried this on a Jew named Jesus?

   There's one more issue I thank God I never took literally: Thou shall honor thy father and mother. True, I can accept that… but only because I that God is Father as is Mother Earth... or vice versa.

   With the child abuse I experienced and saw throughout the years and having learned honor means to respect, adore, worship, idolize and accredit, I felt there had to be far more to that Commandment than translated.

   Understanding we're all here to evolve toward the highest potential of our soul, how do we honor and accredit an abuser?

   By lobotomizing our feelings, and thanking the abuser for their molestations, hurt or degrading ridicule?

   Or, do as I did? I honored by not choosing to become who and what the abuser chose to do. I thanked my mom for her examples. She showed me what not to do and then I said bye‑bye.

THOT:

To dishonor an abusive parent by not duplicating their behavior might indeed be the finest form of honoring the true Father and Mother, the True Parent of our soul, rather than the current guardian of our mortal bodies.

   I believe the Commandment of arbitrarily honoring thy father and mother, plus society's generalized rule that all kids are to unquestioningly respect and never question adult authority may be the two main reasons kids fear challenging abusers. Fear of reporting. Fear of telling.

   Imagine a Catholic kid confessing their sin of having broken the Commandment by disobeying the Honor Rule by running away from an assaulting parent to seek help.

   Where's the real issue of sin in such a setup?

   During those years, I stretched so far out on so many limbs, I nearly became a lifer on the detention tree. Until, I finally got the intended message from the madness:

   There are many minor battles in life not worth energizing, as they only create further battles not worth energizing. If what I witnessed didn't set comfortably within my heart or was not within my control to change, I realized I could walk.

   By Looking, learning and Letting Go, I internalized my Godian thoughts, keeping my journals and enjoying the jollies.

   One being: I bet I co$t that club far more in aspirin and chalk than what it got via my tuition dollar$. And, hey, my ambidexterity would have to come in handy somehow.

   All I experienced then and later simmered down to this:

   Abuse on this planet has persisted for centuries in many forms and child abuse is just the tip of a centurial, global iceberg.

   It has conditioned society to subconsciously take abuse for granted, as if it's an inherent quality of the human nature rather than a chosen habit. A legacy handed down through generations and accepted in the name of the popular growth stunter called Tradition. In a sense, Tradition has sanctioned its stunting offshoots.

   Abuse by governments adopting the regional greed and arrogance of predecessors, then encouraging hate and fear within others based on which piece of the global puzzle they and others were born unto... this time around.

   Abuse through insult comedians who promote mutual humiliation societies rather than admiration.

   Abuse through labeling others' based on their challenging venues, be it financial, residential or physical, which only furthers the denial of We're All Alone In This Together.

   Abuse through our injustice systems that promote skull-druggery by daring the court players, the lawyers, to lance their best loopholing IF they're to win the game. While, Truth and Justice keep taking last place in an arena supposedly founded to shed light on Truth and Justice.

THOT:

Isn't it curious that everyone involved in a trial has to take an oath of truth except the lawyers who are hired exclusively to sell his or her client's story?

   Abuse through school teachers misusing their power by negating kids' natural curiosity from venting itself through observations that could benefit us all through new ways of looking at the past so as to create a clearer future.

   Abuse through educators being placed on the lowest pay and value scale even though they handle the intellectual fate of our future generations.

   Abuse through religious marketeers using God as their product, and cover for confining the flocks via manipulative tools of fear and guilt.

   Abuse enforced by Tradition Bigots based on which color body they and others happen to inhabit in this particular life.

   Isn't it curious how "skin heads" scream for all minorities to go back to their homeland, no matter how many generations have birthed here? They tell Blacks to go back to Africa, and Mexicans to go back to Mexico. They scream their hate under the guise of wanting America to be solely populated by "White Supremacy" By them!

   What is bizarre, yet not, is that only American Indians are omitted as targets for their fear and get-lost-anger.

   Imagine that! Possibly because they are already home, and the bigots are also just visitors to America.

   Indeed, global society is riddled with abuse. And Tradition has encouraged its continuance throughout time and crime. No wonder society has an up-will struggle to recognize the issue of Child Abuse. It's been such a commonplace beginning for so many folks.

   In retrospect, I don't condemn anyone from the clubs or cults I have tripped through. They were just doin' their thing as they chose to do.

   So too, I thought and walked as I chose.

   To hold onto anger and intolerance would mean I bought what they were selling: Membership in the Bias Olympics.

   I hold nothing against anyone from my past who sought to sell me Fear Theories or Anger Antics, for they were all an education. The more they turned me off, the more I was turned on to create, to think, to quest.

   No matter how overwhelming and underwhelming others felt to my spirit, no one dented my delight of the Godian Connection. Nor cut my comprehension that we all have the right and responsibility to explore our journey as we choose.

   Again, all that occurs simply represents essential puzzle pieces for our soul's individual and collective evolution.

   Personally, my creativity without formal lessons, the talents that manifested from toddlerhood without any logical sources, all proved to me: the very real existence of God‑In‑Action and the divine plan of reincarnation.

   No mortal logic has ever been able to rationalize the Cosmic Tool Kit I brought with me, not genetically nor environmentally.

   For me it's simple. I never bought what Tradition sought to sell, and I kept my Godian view of Unlimitedness for God, us The Children, and thus for me.

   Ergo! No matter how abusive, repressive, confusing or desperate events in the past were, I felt my assignment was to play in the Godian Gardening Game and search for the constructive seeds waiting to be unearthed, if I chose to dig in... obviously I chose to dig, as I encourage others to do.

   To me, the injustices that are served are the choices of the activators. My choice was how I'd sort out what arrived on my plate. Even when I was often in the deepest stress setups where I could not TALK, I never forgot that I could always WALK my inner spiritual beliefs.

   Though I may not like or agree with all I see occurring in our specie, it's not my job to judge or change others. Rather, to live my path via my inner faith, to share observations when asked and Let Go as to how they're received.

   There's so many negative energies needing to be swept off our planet, but it's not meant to be one person's job. It needs to be a global effort. If each of us cleaned up our own act we'd be closer to achieving a fantastic human evolution.

   To me, Heaven is simply a loving, nonjudgmental, compassionate state of mind. Possibly, if we choose to prioritize the Big H in E‑A‑R‑T‑H and move it up front, we'll live through our H‑E‑A‑R‑T.

Confidential Concept:

The fun-est, fulfilling-est, easiest and pleasing-est association that has led me toward linking with genuine love is via what I've unceremoniously tagged:

   The Godian Electric Company!

   It cost me nothing materially to join, only the emotional farewell to the Fake Fear Fleas of mortal control over my spiritual potency.

   Entry was gained by simply recognizing:

   I, as do we all, have a personal access to the Sun of God, to the Godian Light of Love and fearless living.

   I could never be "excomoonicated" for activating my God given gift of questing for truth.

   Tithing was and is purely the sharing of self and the willingness to accept the beauty of being born as a lovable God Child.

   Membership was activated when I flicked the On Switch to Lighting up the best that my soul is capable of being and bestowing.

   True, in becoming a member of The Godian Electric Company, I had to forego official religious holidays. That was the bad news.

   The good news was: With my membership, that we all have, everyday serves a morning worth waking up to, and celebrating the existence we've been blessed with.

   We all possess a spiritual specialness that is simple to recognize and turn-on once we let go of mortal conditions and judgment and then latch on to unconditional self-love, self-acceptance and the selflessness of serving love to our Spiritual Siblings.

   I may not know much, but I do know that if it weren't for God's great gift of humor and natural insight (that we all have access to) I could not have leaped even one hurdle in these Mortal Olympic Games called Life,

   Though it was a fun/haunted house ride, I eventually found peace on Earth and in my heart once I realized I could only Walk My Talk as long as I was Walking with God... and only with those who luved me and themselves as-is and without judgment... and who shared my destiny of luv and humor.

   I also learned that to Walk My Talk is a solo journey. I'm not here to be another's enforcing tour guide. I'm here simply to be a loyal listening friend and assisting when I sense another truly needs me.

   But isn't that why we are all alone in this together?

Copyright © 2004 by Krystiahn