40: Address What You Stress

CHAPTER 40

Address What you Stress

One morn, as I was hangin' out in the shower, or what I call my Ol' Cosmic Phone Booth, I asked the steamy walls for the meaning of my life.

Heck! Why not? It sure beat climbing to a distant gravel mount looking for an old guy in tired robes who may be fed up with being bugged by the same‑old‑same‑old and who would be happier if I was delivering some Chinese take-out… even a pizza.

Besides, for years my theory has been, if you want to find your Guru, simply look in your mirror and spell the word and then hear what it is telling you.

GURU = G-U-R-U = Gee, you are you!

Ergo! I'm accustomed to inquiring within whenever I want answers. So! Why not in the Cosmic Phone Booth? It's the one site for insight where we are void of mortal interference, cell phones, E-Mails … and open to galaxial messengering.

Somewhere between the shampoo and rinse cycle I heard:

"So! You want to know the meaning of your life and what you are here to accomplish on a personal, soular level? It's simple: Address What You Stress. Simple."

OK. Simple — but simply what?

"Simple, because within that conscious action, you will discover that the issues you stress for others to address in themselves, are the very issues you are here to deal with for your own evolution and emotional freedom. For your own completion of purpose. Think about it: What is it you stress the most for others?"

OK. I answered the shower head voice with:

"I stress to everyone that they should be all that they were sent here to be; for them to play with and share all the gifts they packed in their Cosmic Tool Kits; for them to have fun without fear of whether their sharing is understood and accepted, or not. And, to remember that it's one life to a customer per journey... so, enjoy it."

I was answered:

"There you have it. You just answered yourself as to what your spiritual challenges, your meaning for this life are. You stress for people to be all they can be and share without concern of acceptance. Now. Has that not been your lifelong issue to deal with? That of not hiding behind denial so you could fit‑in somewhere, even though wherever you thought you ought to fit‑in never brought you happiness?

You stress people having fun. And, has that not been your issue? Have you not limited your fun in the past to minimal increments while imprisoning the majority of your time with the toil of struggle to get reluctant others to have fun?"

I countered with: WHAT! My Mission is to have FUN? You've got to be kidding, considering my past!

“Not so”, I heard, “Your past has served you well, in that it was constantly forcing you, through stress, to fulfill your purpose. By the past creating so much frustration, depression and non-production from what you knew in your soul you could produce, your past has been forcing you into the Light of Self-Created Joy and Play. Your past was not a punishment. It was a push to get you back onto your Pre-arranged Path. It's simple.

“Next. You stress 'one life to a customer per journey', but hasn't it been a struggle whenever you gave up your own life and dreams by living another's concept of life? Concepts that were very contrary to yours?

“The meaning of your life, this time around, is therefore simple. To Address What YOU Stress for others. You are here to share all your talents, thoughts and loving energies without fear of being held apart. To share mainly with yourself, and then with others when the occasion is suitable.

“To share WITHOUT fear, but WITH joy. You are here to play, to have fun, to enlighten and share all you embrace without concern for the consequences of public or private alienation. The more you are you, the happier you shall be, and the more you shall live your meaning of this life. Again. It is simple.”

With eyes clenched from the conditioning rinse, I clearly saw all the answers I had been searching for. Then, mid-point in my hair drying process, I understood the greater connection:

We are all here to Address What We Stress.

In reflection, I sensed how the issues that bug us most in life; the issues we stress for others; and, the issues we are most stressed by, all offer us the greatest messages as to why we are here and how we are to evolve.

Indeed, my past gave me the freedom to privately explore all my abilities, domestically, personally, cosmically and creatively. A freedom I obviously intended to explore. So, I could not curse it. Rather, I nursed it toward my completion.

However! Private exploration was not my real issue.

Creativity was never my challenge as it was so incredibly effortless. Publicly acknowledging it sans fear of alienation was my toughie, as I had no logical answer as to where it came from in this life which caused many to think I was holding out on them, or to say (a familiar response), “I hate you!”

Now I understand personal attacks were not personal. Many people are just angered by talent because they resist exploring their own abilities. And, rather than open up to themselves, they close others out.

Once again, as I have always thought:

Over-achiever is a self-indulgent putdown
created by Under-achievers
just to justify their laziness.

In reflection, I know my real issue was served via the smothering I experienced from feeling afraid of displaying the entire contents of my Cosmic Tool Kit of Talents.

My past stirred my understanding of denial within myself and others. The denial that silenced my public voice, while causing volumes of frustrated screams within my spirit.

Ergo! I dedicated my life to encouraging others to be all they were born to be, because I was reluctant to outwardly display myself in full. That was the challenge I was here to confront and conquer so as to achieve completion on my soular level.

OK. Self‑exploring was not the core issue. Displaying it without fear of estrangement from a regular life was.

But! What was a regular life?

Does “regular” mean “typical” or “common”? If so, why live it if it is nothing more than becoming a clone of what has always been?

Ergo! I figured my next challenge was to celebrate my unorthodoxness, my specialness — as it is for us all, as we are all continuing souls en route to our unique Garden of Godian Greatness via exiting Mortal Commonness.

In time, I got to understand how the setup with Ashley, the Jahovahs, the Catholic Club, Joe, Les, my ex‑mother‑in‑laws and so many more, were all promoting denial of me by me. Each challenged me with major crossroads of growth.

So, my questions to answer and live were:

Would I continue to deny my abilities and happiness just to please others? Others who were not happy campers and not even pleased with themselves? Or,
Would I free me to be me and, as a by-product, just please those who were please with that without making my joy contingent upon another's acceptance or understanding of me and my actions.

I saw how each setup that formerly aggravated my spirit actually represented a specific passage directing me to my soular breakthrough.

I was aggravated when I resisted the deeper message in the battle. I was hurting because I was banging my head against the lesson, rather than entering the answer door.

True. My stays in each of those struggle zones could have lasted longer, so I guess I was fortunate to have figured out the answers quickly.

But! Since I was only assembling tiny pieces of my jig-saw puzzle without seeing the whole picture of what I was here to piece together, I kept tripping myself into similar setups.

I bought the Bandaids, but I had yet to cure my dis‑ease.

MEANING: Whenever I was on my own I soared and succeeded. But, when I focused my creative and nurturing energies on a reluctant other and furthered their potential via my one-on-one cheerleading, I invariably smothered and struggled.

Until! That Cosmic Phone Booth banter which definitely caused a 180 turn around in my thinking. Especially, as to why I now say, “No Pain? Great Gain!”

Looking back, my prime questions regarding others in my past were:

Are they deafening and blinding themselves from their own light of talents?
Are they afraid of displaying all the potential they have for happiness?
Are they not noticing the potential I see within them? And, why are they avoiding the fun in life? Why?

Not 'til my shower chat did I realize I was actually asking myself those questions.

Ergo! My personal purpose in life was indeed simple: To answer my own questions and happily live my own answers.

Truly, the fast track toward discovering what I am here to accomplish laid in the advisory of Address What You Stress.

OK. Though I quantum leaped in my steamy glass cubicle, it would take time to examine all the areas I was stressing so as to alter my entire focus toward achieving the freedom of completion.

And glory be, that quest was not only enlightening, it was a hoot of a jazzy wet trip!

I began to examine everything I stressed, major to minor. And, I excavated with a mirrored shovel so I would not miss the Reflection of Truth.

On a minor level, I'll tell you about a friend who was terrific on the congas. The hitch was, he was reluctant to share his talents, even though he said he wanted to play.

Heck! I even set up local gigs for him in which he was very well received. But, he kept whining about trivial stuff like the mikes weren't clear enough and his shoes weren't comfy enough to stand that long. Little stuff. Eventually, I gave up struggling with his cross-messages of: I want to play my congas but I don't want to play my congas.

I really let go when I considered the Address What You Stress angle. Ergo! I got my own congas! Though I never played, in this life, nor touched his congas, from the very first day I felt as if I'd always played. I had an absolute ball! I was even asked to sit in with a local Reggae band.

What a hoot!

I began playing along with concert tapes of Kenny Loggins and Neil Diamond because I love their music. Double hoot was that when that reluctant friend came by and heard my playing, he said he couldn't figure where the taped concert left off and I began.

He asked, “Why didn't you tell me you played?”

I answered, “Because I didn't know!” Inwardly, I thought: Guess I was too busy encouraging you, and so busy stressing your potential that I hadn't considered my own possibilities.

And that was indeed true.

What I stressed in him, and what was stressing me out, was actually what I was supposed to address and encourage in myself.

Once I refocused my energy, tension vanished and genuine joy entered my entire system.

People often tell me I march to a different drum, but now with my conga leap, I'm my own drummer. Knowing that stress causes dis-eases, I now conga away once a day!

In further reflection, even though I had yet to hear of the Address What You Stress idea in those words, I knew that was a major element in my past escapes from abuse.

For instance, I was stressing Joe's art career but ignoring my own talents. I was free when I energized my own talents without denial or concern of acceptance. I was free when I energized my creativity for the pure fun and joy of it all. Thus, I succeeded.

I stressed Ashley exploring her talents, enjoying life and her natural beauty.

Yet, my kidhood freedom and joy was singularly energized by my very private writing and painting and exploring the city fun as a kid from museum jaunts, to slipping in to see Broadway shows during blizzards when seats were amply available, to giving myself the fun of knowing and trusting Uncle Jackie and Auntie Elsa!

Greater freedom occurred when I ceased stressing for Ashley to love herself, and began loving myself more.

I stressed Les mellowing out and not struggling so hard to change me. Yet, I gained my freedom when I left to let him be who he wanted to be, and ceased struggling to alter him into a mellow happy camper — and I became one myself!

A slew of stress examples flew from the archives of my mind tunnel, and with every stress I addressed, I lightened my beingness.

Soon as I realized that whatever I stressed for another to accomplish was actually my issue. As soon as I activated my advice personally, I blossomed spiritually and lost a record breaking tonnage of emotional weight … and wait!

In fact, I'm still loosing, and most likely shall continue to reduce my excess emotional poundage.

HEY! WEIGHT A MINUTE!

It just occurred to me that a Weight Problem may actually be a Wait Problem. A result of the anxiety we amass when we stall or Wait to Address What We Stress and what is stressing us. What is seeking to get our attention so that we can grow in the direction most favorable for our needed evolution.

For instance, I was dragging along great Weighty issues for many years until I stopped Waiting for others to live my dreams.

Until I stopped Waiting for others to manifest the potential I envisioned within them and began living my own potential.

Until I stopped Waiting for others to be happy before I felt I could relax and enjoy.

Until I stopped Waiting for life to happen and simply began living it.

Ergo! If you've got a Weight Problem, maybe it's time to ask yourself:

So! What are you waiting for? Waiting to be loved? To be accepted? Waiting for the past to be gone? For your trust to return? For the jazz to happen amidst the tedious senseless waste of time chores? Waiting to matter?

Possibly the sooner we discover what our heart and soul is truly waiting for, the quicker we shall discard the weight that's submerging our spirit.

'Tis a Thot.

Funny! I just connected two vital dots in my passage by recalling the essay I told you about many chapters back.

The essay I wrote as a kid, called “Dr. Life Is Not On Call”, about the futility of those who entomb themselves in Dr. Life's waiting room, waiting for him to give them a personal focus.

The hook was that Dr. Life was an illusion.

MEANING:

We are not to give responsibility for our choices and happiness over to others, because no other mortal has that assignment except us.

Hey! I now see what I saw!

On a conscious level, as a kid, I gave responsibility for my happiness and worth over to Mother Ashley, and then my first two husbands. While on the spiritually creative level, my kidself was serving my soul-self the resolve for that error via my story stressing the need for us to seize responsibility for our own life.

Whew! Talk about the value of Address What You Stress! Even as a kid I stressed for others what I needed to address for myself!

Just shows how our life is one continuing circle always returning to Square Won so that we can Grow For It!

Armed with the high notes from my shower song, I began to clean up my facts and take it on the road to explore how broadly it could apply. I began to listen to what others stressed and how it might apply to what they were here to address and accomplish. I listened not to confront them, but to gain comprehensive confirmation of what I was sensing in a personal venue.

I noticed a woman who incessantly sought to control her son's choice of a wife. Yeah, another smother‑in‑law!

Even though her son and his mate were happily married for over 12 years, she still sought to break them up, even telling the young woman that she was destroying her son's brilliance, even though her son is well respected and envied in his community for his professional brilliance and his very happy and loving marriage.

When I listened deeper, I heard her simultaneously complain of her own marriage and of the many things she felt her mate had held her back from accomplishing, from being a skier to being a judge.

She constantly blamed her husband for what she did not do, but felt she would have been terrific at.

So possibly, rather than address her own stress in life, she transferred what she was to address into stressing out her successful son and his wife.

I've also met people who said their biggest stress in life was others who did not listen, others who ignored the input from others. Yet, socially, they were the very folks who were legendary for ignoring input from others.

Heck! Look how politicians incessantly stress honesty and change, yet deliver the same‑old‑same‑old.

Politicians who stress issues, yet avoid facing them.

The more I observed, the more I discovered that:

People who stress respect and love, may avoid addressing why they don't fully respect and love themselves.

People who stress war, may avoid addressing their ability to create peace within their own spirits.

People who stress domination over others, may avoid addressing why they are not in control of their own passions, direction and abilities.

People who stress weight loss for others in order to be acceptable, may avoid addressing the emotional weight they carry that causes them not to accept themselves as‑is.

People who stress for others to Forgive & Forget, may avoid addressing the elements in their actions they hope others shall Forgive & Forget.

People who stress their own superiority over others based on feeble factors like skin color, wealth or career level, may avoid addressing why they need such trivial reasons to support their OK‑ness.

Or they may avoid addressing why they need the cloak of a collective gang to feel they are worthy to themselves and others.

People who stress honesty in others, may avoid addressing the idea that they may not be honest with themselves as to their own desires and goals. Or why they may be afraid of others who speak honestly as to their own ideas and issues.

People who stress for others to not limit their possibilities, may avoid addressing why they let others limit them. Or why they limit themselves. (my biggie!)

People who stress for others to perform as perfectly as they ought to, may avoid addressing their own anger with being a Prisoner of Perfection.

Or they may avoid addressing their resentment of others succeeding beneath the standard of perfection that they were programmed to obey — or else!

People who stress nobility in others, may avoid addressing the idea that they may not be completely noble in their own choice of actions, or with the quality of their face-offs.

People who stress for others to honor Tradition, may avoid addressing their fear of those who are strong in their unconventional lifestyle because it threatens their personal uncomfort zone.

Or they may avoid addressing the motives behind their desire to restrict others within the chains of the Traditional past.

People who stress for others to give them more freedom, may avoid addressing the fear that they're not giving themselves the freedom to release their talents for fear of being judged.

Or they may avoid addressing why they need to deny others their freedom.

People who stress for others to fight for their rights, may avoid addressing why they don't fight for their own rights.

Or they may avoid addressing what their rights are and why they fear exercising them.

People who stress fear of risk when others want to launch a new phase in their life, may avoid addressing what they personally fear about the idea of risk.

People who stress that no one is to be trusted, may avoid addressing why they don't trust their own ability to trust, or their own ability to discern who is trustworthy.

People who stress the possibility that their mate must be fooling around behind their back, may avoid addressing their own desire to fool around. Or they may avoid addressing the emotional fear that may be causing them to sabotage their personal relationships.

People who stress segregation from those who are of a different religious club, belief system, or sexual preference, may avoid addressing their fear of the unknown.

Or they may avoid addressing the fact that we are all God's children.

People who stress revenge toward an abuser or an ex-partner, may avoid addressing why they still want to hang on to that other person via the revenge excuse. Or they may avoid addressing why they fear going forward and thus live in past bitter sweethurts.

People who stress being a martyr for their family, may avoid addressing why they feel that is the only way they can obtain love, validation and OK‑ness.

People who stress others out by being a bully, or helpless, or a whiner over imaginary ills, may avoid addressing why they feel that is the only way they can gain attention.

People who stress using others before they use you, may avoid addressing their desire to manipulate others regardless of how others act, and, why they use that cop‑out as a basis for their enjoyment of being a user.

People who stress faults in others, may avoid addressing what they fear to be their own faults, and what they fear may occur if others discovered what they privately perceive as their own faults.

People who stress that others will no longer know them if the others realize an upcoming financial windfall or a status promotion, may avoid addressing if, and why, they would shun or exchange current friends if they were the one who gained a similar success.

Or, they may avoid addressing why they might cease knowing others who graduated from their material status league.

People who stress lack of value in others who don't mirror their thought patterns and lifestyle, may avoid addressing why they only feel safe with unchallenging thought clones.

People who stress labels for others, such as Gay or Black or Handicapped, who they choose to not know on a one-on-one basis, may avoid addressing why they fear venturing beyond those labels.

Or they may avoid addressing what label they have privately burdened themselves with.

BOTTOM LINE:

People who stress Don't and Can't,
may avoid addressing why they Won't—
whatever the issue may be.

Could well be that what we all stress as important in, and for, others is truly what we are here to stress for our own growth. For our own spiritual evolvement.

Recently, I was at a party and brought up the Address What You Stress idea. I asked one lady what her biggest stress was. She said, "Consideration in others."

I asked if that might be her issue.

She replied, "Absolutely not! I'm always considerate."

She left the party and returned to her apartment. Next day she called me and relayed this scenario.

"I was stirred by your conversation yet felt the issue of consideration had nothing to do with me. So, I paced the hardwood floor with my shoes on. I just couldn't get your conversation out of my head. Next morning, my neighbor, downstairs, left a note on my door asking me to be more considerate and to take my shoes off when I pace. People gotta sleep, y'know!"

What a hoot! Eh?

There's nothing like instant confirmation once we're on the path we're suppose to travel.

She then said she would examine the areas of her life she was stressing for others, yet did not take personally.

She also vowed to stop focusing on stressing others, and herself, out and would begin addressing what she herself could be avoiding, and why.

I then heard: "If I get answers that fast, I may as well give it a try!"

Imagine if all of us responded to that shower shove of Address What You Stress; if it brought us all the shower-ing of clarity that it seeks to serve!

Why not try it yourself by exploring how the issues you may stress for others might, perchance, be what you need to address for yourself so as to de-stress your own being.

Hey! As time spent, it sure beats a kick in the patooti!

Then again, it may well cause a kick, a needed kick, in our Cosmic Fanny! 'Tis a Thot.

Last thought: Did you ever notice how those who seek to control you are usually leading lives that are completely out of their control? What a fascinating hoot!